Author Archives: juliess

Lovely blog award!


I won an award!
My human managed to lose the first thing I won (a tennis ball from winning a race a puppy class), but this is ONLINE and not even silly humans can lose my prize here. Moahahah!

Thank you Misaki for passing it on to me, I’ll save it in my toy box!

I must write 7 things about myself, and then pass it on:

1: I have got two sets of dew claws on my hind legs! The big one is like a fifth toe and really cool and big. The other small ones are “normal” dew claws, small, boring and weak.
2: I have got a big family, 10 brothers and sisters!
3: My humans picked me up when I was 10 weeks, and already on the first day I managed to jump onto the sofa. My humans said I would be trouble.
4: I got a habit of taking a shit in the van, but starting to overcome it now!
5: I’m picky with food and I spit out “boring” treats. They must be AWESOME (like me) and I need to be hungry to even accept them. Chicken carcass and kidneys, please!
6: I actually don’t mind showering as soon as I’m in there… – oh, wait, this is public.
7: One of my favourite things to do indoors is to pull laundry off the clothes horse! Weeeee! Aim for the more expensive clothes!

I’ll pass this on to:

I don’t read that many blogs yet as my brain gets distracted, but hopefully the next time somethings comes around I’ll have more dogs to pass it on to!




I’ve heard some humans say you can’t walk big puppies because we have bodyparts that don’t fit together that well, and we grow too fast to even notice ourselves. I think my humans missed this information, because they take me to different places every week! …that’s how I grow my insane, overpowering muscles and learn to take down prey such as other puppies, small streams and random children!

I met my sister this weekend. Man, was she annoyed with me! I can’t remember what I did wrong when we were still inside the puppy room at the breeders, I must have chewed on her too hard or maybe she’s just trying to make up for the fact the I. AM. AWESOME.
I licked her face, I sniffed her bum, I bowed down.. anything I’ve learned from other dogs! She wasn’t having any of it, so then I just started pestering her properly. You can never pester anyone too much (unless they are older, faster and louder than you, like Bella‘s brother Alfie).

I met these two dogs two days after this picture was taken too, and got to play loads with the big girl!

In this park I managed to knock a kid over too! Wohoo success! You really have to wait for the right moment, when your humans think you might behave and they get to be proud of you, then….STRIKE! Tap them on the forehead with your nose and just enjoy what happens next. Kid will make a funny sound, funny movement, AND your human will chase you!
I also did the same in Oaxley woods when walking with Bella. My slow human didn’t even have the camera with her, but Bella’s human was well trained and managed to take a picture of my human being embarassed and my victory over the kid:

This same day, oh man, we found….wait for iiiiit…. A MUD BATH!!!!!
I’ve only ever seen them on YouTube and got very excited. It felt fun, tasted nice and made awesome noises when we splashed our feet in it. Some boring humans of course had to interrupt then fun when they walked by in light coloured clothes and my human got worried I would jump on them with muddy feet. Tsk…. Like I would EVER do that….
I feel fat after one week of no exercise!

Bella’s human also took this picture of me, very proud of my new socks:

What else, what else..
Oh, yeah, I met Bella’s big brother. He was big and all! I tried to wrestle him but no success. I can’t believe how a stick or a ball can be more interesting than ME! I tried to carry the stick a couple of times to get attention though, and it worked (to a certain degree). That got boring quickly so I decided to chase Bella down instead.

(Alfie over there to the left!)

When I have TOO. MUCH. FUN I don’t know what to do with myself! Basically, the best solution is to grab the nearest whatever and sink my teeth into it. To relieve extra stress, growl and roar vigorously! Shake head if needed! ROAARRR!
I do this to my humans in obedience class when they frustrate me with their silly tricks and bad instructions. They say it might be a “puppy thing” but we’ll see! Not easy to contain myself when my brain is frying! 😀

*cough cough*


Hello pesants, it’s me again!

Last week wasn’t too good for me as I started coughing and sneezing. My humans sighed and said it’s kennel cough. We’d just come home from obedience class number one when my nose started running and through the night I felt more and more slimey. The next day I started coughing a little, but nothing too extensive. It was worse that my “cherry eye” popped out! My humans were freaked out and I got lots of attention and cuddles 😀 I didn’t even know it was there, but I like this “cherry eye”, whatever it is! Any attention is good attention in my book. They called the vets and got an appointment for me two days later, but if popped back in after a few minutes all by itself.

Still, they insisted on taking me to the vets. What is this sorcery!
So, we went (I didn’t poo in the van this time as I was occupied with thinking about going to see the vet), and he touched me everywhere. I was good and found the whole thing a bit boring to be honest, the only thing in there to play with was a disgusting bin with disinfective wipes and a chair! Please can someone notify them and tell them it’s not really up to dog standard.
He also stuck something up my…!! Yeah!! I know. Oh lordi dordi, that was unexpected. Fair enough they keep touching my balls every evening but at leat they don’t stick things up THERE! Then they said my “temperature was normal” and I didn’t need any medication for my cough and no surgery on my eye.
Happy days!

My human had visitors over this weekend too, it’s hard for me as a guard dog to know who’s coming and going in this house! So I’ve given up and just try to get treats and cuddles now. I heard someone mumbling it might change when “my balls switch on”, but I didn’t understand what it means.
I was on my best behaviour and the people liked me, even after looking after me while my humans went to work one of the days. I had to try it on though, you know, push it a little bit, but sadly they knew about my timeout leash.

Other than that it’s been boring lately, no walks for me as I’ve been “contageous”. I’m pretty much back to normal now though so I get to leave the house again.
Tomorrow we are gonna train with Bella, although I will do my best to try playing with her! Need to burn some energy! Here’s Bella last night with her stick:

And me today making sure my human is safe:

PS: Oh, just remembered one last thing. My girly human has got this very bad behaviour. She keeps going over all my hard work of making the house nice and tries to undo it! She uses things that stinks, from bottles, and rubs cloths everywhere. It’s not even a funny game and even if it was, I’m not alloved to join in. Sometimes she turns on this big toy she’s got (worst “toy” in the world if you ask me), it’s incredibly noisy and she rubs it over the rug and the floor, intensely watching it?! I think she’s getting obsessed and I want to stop it now, before it’s too late. Also I don’t like my house stinking of flowers and apples.
Any help or ideas? Does your human have similar behaviour?

Hot stuff


I know I’m African (well… many generations ago!) but I struggle with this heat. I get too hot to want to do anything, and I quite happily crash out in the bathroom. My humans don’t understand that this is comfy and cools me down, they keep trying to call me over to cuddle me (eek! Tough boys don’t cuddle!) and put me on the warm bed or sofa.

Yesterday we went to Foots Cray Meadows again to socialize the humans. It was my humans, Vinnies human and Tanks two humans. Nice group of humans! My idiot humans ran out of food for the car on our way over and had to call Vinnies human who took one of my humans to the nearest gas station. How embarassing, luckily I don’t think any of the other dogs saw me sitting there, stranded in my van..

I look very strange in this picture.

Tank and Vinnie disagreed over who was the coolest of them, but Tank won, and after that I ofc only wanted to play with Tank! We found the little river again and plunged into it (except Tank because even though he is the biggest and oldest, he is a wuss when it comes to the liquid stuff!). Vinnie got very excited and even managed to CROSS the stream and end up on the other side! I shouted to Vinnie there’s nothing to be afraid of (well, what do I know, I find it scary 50/50 of the time myself, but!) and he came back over.

I let Tank wrestle me and I ofc kept winning all the time:

I’m a bit annoyed because my human forgot to record in HD! But what can you expect from their pea sized brain.

The girly human come home one day and said she’d bought me something new. I got very excited! What could it be?! Pigs ear, a soft toy to rip apart, a ball maybe? One of her old shoes? But no, nooooo, never anything fun for me!
This is what the plonker bought me:

A metal lead!! I solved the problem by biting on their clothes instead.

Went for a walk in the Lesnes Abbey Woods again today, I met several dogs and they were all nice. I was on my best behaviour and listened to my humans when they called me, but made up for it by biting the girly human in the bum as we were leaving.

Check out the map of our walk!

Peace outtttt (oh well, until level 1 class tonight!).

All with dog intentions


I’ll explain something to you. I do everything with dog intentions. My humans don’t seem to get this. I do what pleases me, and what I think will get me furthest in life! This is how my brain works and I don’t intend to change!
– If I fart directly in your face when we are cuddling in bed and you are stooooopid enough to put your face behind my fantastic bum, don’t take it personal. I just needed to fart.
– If I chew your nice leather shoes, it’s only because they taste and smell more fun than the boring toy from P@H!
– Your phone will always be the best toy ever invented. Always. Ever.
– And when I don’t come when you call me…well, let’s just say the reward for running off it’s better than the one for listening!

I’ve had loads of fun since my last post!
Can I just say *clear throat* hem hem… persistence pays off! I’ve now managed to get on the sofa! Christ that took a long time, but I’m determined and the humans now think it’s all down to what THEY decided and wanted to do (I heard them whispering something about making sure of being able to control me when I start having “teenage riots”?!).

I went to visit Bella last week after human training class, and we played in her garden while the humans played their boring talk-games (someone needs to teach them to losen up and start using their teeth). Bella has got lots of grass in her garden and it was lovely to run around on. Her human is well trained and she gave me both water AND food! I chowed it all down in a second and turned on my cute handsome puppy stare to get more, but I didn’t. Bella also told me off for climbing on the steps into the kitchen but I didn’t really understand what the fuzz was about so I pretended to know what she was talking about and walked off.
We also got to play in a park close to where she lives on Sunday, it was a nice park and we also met a few other dogs (and many small dogs with old ladies on the lead!). We met a confused poodle who had lost his human and he was just running round and round in the park for almost an hour before he found his human! I never go far from my humans because I’m a wuss guard dog.
I got to play with Bella’s toy, although it was more to lure her close to me so I could jump on her.

Tried to catch her, and mainly failed succeeded all the time!

Got toed in the eye!

Making sure the peasants of my kingdom are behaving properly.

On Monday we went to a boerboel fun day arranged by the UKBC club. I met two of my brothers, my mum (she was grumpy with me so I had to suck up lots!) and two uncles. Also some half siblings of mine. I played with lots and lots of them and had a goooood time!
Here are some pictures, the rest can be seen on Facebook or Photobucket:
Me making a boy cuddle me (he lives with my mum)

My brother Bodhi, who lives in Essex.

My other brother Dexter, lives close to Gatwick

My mum Frenchie, had to pretend I was very tiny and defenseless here!

My uncle Tank, he was supercool and we played lots! I tried to knock him over but couldn’t 😦 So I played alienface instead.

My half brothers Bilbo and Vinnie

Cute Handsome me!

I’ve broken 62 lbs


Yessss I’m closing in on the day when I can squash my humans too and not just smaller dogs! I weighed 62lbs this week (or 28kg).
I realize I’m not a good blog-puppy but there’s so many other things to do and chew, they steal my attention!

Since I last blogged I have:
Visited some old rocks my humans told me are ruins of some old Abbey. I climbed on them and I was alloved to?! That made it all less interesting.

Sadly I didn’t find any fox piss to roll in today, so I had to go back in the car smelling very boring 😦

Another day we went to this other grass area (Foots Cray Meadows), I had agreed to meet Bella and Vinnie there to let our humans socialize and play. My humans are quite unsociable so I want them to get used to seeing other people more often and leave the house more! I try to show them what to do, like, jumping towards other humans and make them interact but they don’t seem very interested.
Vinnie is my half brother and he is a lot bigger than me! I had told Bella about my brothers and sisters that are 3 months older than me but she didn’t believe me when I said how big they are.

I always get told off for smashing Bella, but look! Here’s proof! It’s just because she’s a girl and I’m noisy I get all the blame!
I have to act hard because I’m the governor of Thamesmead, but I don’t like being chewed on either! ….ok, maybe a little bit, so I got an excuse to SMAAAAAASSSSSHHHHH!

Later on I told her to GET OFFFFFFF ARGHHHHH and her human snapped this unfortunate picture of me, I don’t like getting caught in the act:

Bella told Vinnie to “Lunch” me and he listened!! What!

Faceplant, I told Vinnie, FACEPLANT!!

We found the little river again and I GOT SO EXCITED. It moves all nicely, and feels funny on my feet. And you can drink from it! And play in it! And push other dogs in it! Can it get any more awesome! Even Vinnie, who’s humans said he doesn’t go in the water, had a massive splash about and even stuck his head under! We were both hyper and tried to convince Bella to join, but she was just being girly boring, standing on the bank and refereeing us!

I’ve also been socializing the humans along the Thames. Sometimes I let them off the lead if they are behaving nicely. The retards are so slow, one is always lagging behind and I constantly have to make sure they are where they need to be.
They never pay attention to me, I even found some nice white bread on the pavement I just snatched up and snacked on and they didn’t even see it!

I’m still working on the sofa project. It’s not going very well. I have to space out my attempts now, to avoid the naughty step. I am clever though, I have figured out if I don’t try the same thing twice in a row then I don’t get a timeout! Moahaha!

Just checking that the nursery home next door is quiet enough and that our neighbour isn’t screaming too loud at her son. God, that woman can scream, I’m glad I don’t live in that house!

Even though I’ve had a minor setback with the sofa, I’m currently very successful in my other project which I have named “Garden control”. I only allow the humans to be out there during specific times but they try to sneak out there all the time to play with the hose or other silly things like the plants, the shovel etc. I jump on them from behind and bark as loud and scary as possible and snap my mouth at them, trying to scare them! Tell them not to mess about in my garden!
They are fighting me though. Hard breed of humans this, wouldn’t recommend them to a first time human owner! Very stubborn. Normally I end up at the naughty step when I do this so I have to time it carefully so I get to run around and around and around them before they manage to catch me.

After puppy class last night we drove to a different house, and I figured out Bella lives there! I got to play in the garden, tried to flatten her again and do the deathshake to her neck, but I wasn’t alloved. Very boring. I liked her garden though, very big and lots of grass to run around on!

Oh! Just something scary before I finish off. During our walk the other day I saw to lady-dogs fight! Amagad!! I nearly pissed myself, don’t tell anyone! Jesus christ, I though we were all gonna die! They just brawled together like to males, it wasn’t very lady like. Lots of snarling and teeth waving though and I don’t think anyone got hurt. Except my mental state! I didn’t know what to do so I ran and hid behind my humans legs and they laughed at me!

My teeth are falling out!! Waaaah!!!


Hello, typing from my crate now as I have “gone to bed” for the night! Trying not to let my humans see the light from the laptop though.. I am very good at being quiet when up to mischief. Mischief Marvel they call me.
We went to the training class again tonight. I don’t like being in the car so I did a massive poo! It’s the third day in a row I’ve done this trick now but they still don’t learn and they still take me out in the car 😦 ARghgh! I think I might stick with this strategy for a while though, it seems to cause my humans grey hairs!

I rule my close and I make sure to show everyone I am the KING and the MASTER of Camelot Close, so I vigorously shake my lead whenever we come back from a walk! Or just whenever I get a bit excited and they don’t let me do what I want to do.. Like today when we did fetch the human in training class, I ran to Julie and I tried to grab her with my teeth and shake her like a lead but she didn’t understand. They suck these people, so slow!
We played the game where we lure as many treats from our humans as we can, and I did sit, down, and stand as much as I could! Then I wee’d on the floor again and some strange man held me while Julie was mopping away. He was fun and I wanted to chew on his arm. The instructor lady took me so that I could show all the other puppies how to walk the human on a lead without the human lagging behind and I did nicely, then I wanted to play and tried to play with her arm, but she didn’t want to! Why do they never want to PLAY properly!

I had to go to the Thames both yesterday and today. Yesterday was good and the wind wasn’t blowing, I was happily walking along and I got to sit on the bench and look at strange people. Some people even had wheels on their shoes and moved really fast! How odd! Do they not realize their feet can do the job for them?

Steve does well though!

I’m losing teeth and I don’t know why, Julie said I will get new ones but I don’t trust her. Maybe it’s an evil plan so that I won’t be able to chew my lead anymore? I’ve lost all the small ones at the front in both my upper and lower jaw and the new ones look cool and big!

PS: I stepped in poo yesterday and it was so exciting, I ran indoors and FLEW up onto the sofa with poo still under my paw and my gosh… dare I say my humans were pulling out hair! Moahahah! I’m not alloved on the sofa and certainly not with poo on me! They washed everything though, so all my hard work was for nothing.